Growing Into Ones Own Being · Monday October 8, 2007 by Rose
With one son already diagnosed as having Aspergers, ADHD, and SPD (he’s 9 1/2), and with us having realised that DH is also an Aspie, it has come as no real surprise to have come to the conclusion that our 5 year old also has Aspergers.
What has been so noticeable, has been the sudden change in him. We can remember, with hindsight, that SJ changed dramatically aged 5; up until that point, people would refer to him as “quirky”, “a natural clown”, and put his slightly odd behaviour down to “just his way”. He WAS different to his older brother, but then we expected a second child to be different.
And as for the change, well that was obviously down to school, wasn’t it? (as an aside, isn’t it sad that the “norm” is for parents to accept that their children will change the moment they go to school?...)
But now, knowing what we know about Aspergers, we can see that same change has happened in WD. In the space of 3 weeks, we’ve gone from thinking “Hmm, is this copied behaviour, or is he an aspie too?” to everyone around him commenting on how different he is.
He’s developed an odd speech pattern (again, we remember SJ doing it too for a period of several months), where every “i” sound has become “oi” – so we have “noine” instead of “nine” etc.
His behaviour is starting to stand out – both the good bits and the “bad” (ie socially unacceptable) behaviour.
Fortunately for WD, we now have this perspective of greater understanding – poor SJ was probably treated appallingly as we too tried to get him to “behave” and not be “naughty”.
Its a few simple mind-shifts: accepting that he is totally ego-centric and, once you put his behaviour into that (for him) natural frame work, its not naughtiness anymore.
At the other end of the scale, SJ is slowly coming to an age where he can begin to see his behaviour in the bigger picture, and start to see WHY it is socially unacceptable to be ego-centric! Interestingly too, he has commented on WD’s flapping, repetative movements, speech patterns, and appalling short term memory. We have been able to point out to him that these are all things he has.
For the first time, he is able to see himself how others outside see him, and place his behaviour patterns in that external context. I’m pleased that, so far, this hasn’t distressed him but you can see that it is registering and he is thinking about it.
That’s another thing; thinking. I think it was someone on the HE-SP list that talked about their child who thought their internal thoughts were “voices” in his head. WD has ALWAYS talked constantly, out loud, and we’ve always said its as if he can’t think inside his head. Now we know why.
So, this is making HE even more of a juggling act now! With three very different lads to cater for, amidst caring for a four month old baby, I must admit at times its, er, “challenging” ;o)
But home education gives me the freedom to at least TRY to rise to the challenge; school couldn’t.
Take today for example. A lady in our home ed group is an ex-art teacher. New to home ed, bless her, she’s taken on running art class for the kids that are interested.
She’s come to see, I think, over the past first few “lessons”, that whilst she can plan a topic for the session, the kids will take and run with that idea, using it as a starting point, but meaning that the outcome at the end of the 2 hours is that every individual has an individual outcome that is meaniingful to them.
Amazing!
Today they were doing “eyes”. The lady provided example sketches, in charcoal, and gave them tips on how to draw eyes. Each of my three boys have produced very different sketches. JJ, with his dysgraphia, has drawn small eyes, obviously wary of “spoiling” the paper, and having to put lots of effort into concentrating on the control of getting any sort of mark on the paper. SJ has produced some amazing drawings, definately not shy of using all the paper, and I think they show that he has a natural talent. Ironic, for an aspie, when they say that they can’t “read expressions” – he’s produced some very life like eyes! WD on the other hand, drew a very good eye (especially for a 5 year old) but then said it didn’t look right.
Why? Well, it was only one eye! So he drew another one!
But that wasn’t right either. So he added a nose. Then a mouth. THEN it looked like an eye! For him, as his literal way of viewing it, it wasn’t an eye if it wasn’t in a face. Fair enough!
Then they were meant to produce a modelled eye, using salt dough. This is where it became “personalised” ;0)
JJ produced a cup. SJ made tortilla wraps (well, he does want to be a chef, after all, lol) and WD made a pizza, a cannon ball, and a meteorite. Well, they are all the right sort of shape…
I am so grateful, on a daily basis, for the opportunity that home ed provides for my individuals, to be individuals, and to become their own people.
