Growing Into Ones Own Being · Monday October 8, 2007 by Rose
With one son already diagnosed as having Aspergers, ADHD, and SPD (he’s 9 1/2), and with us having realised that DH is also an Aspie, it has come as no real surprise to have come to the conclusion that our 5 year old also has Aspergers.
What has been so noticeable, has been the sudden change in him. We can remember, with hindsight, that SJ changed dramatically aged 5; up until that point, people would refer to him as “quirky”, “a natural clown”, and put his slightly odd behaviour down to “just his way”. He WAS different to his older brother, but then we expected a second child to be different.
And as for the change, well that was obviously down to school, wasn’t it? (as an aside, isn’t it sad that the “norm” is for parents to accept that their children will change the moment they go to school?...)
But now, knowing what we know about Aspergers, we can see that same change has happened in WD. In the space of 3 weeks, we’ve gone from thinking “Hmm, is this copied behaviour, or is he an aspie too?” to everyone around him commenting on how different he is.
He’s developed an odd speech pattern (again, we remember SJ doing it too for a period of several months), where every “i” sound has become “oi” – so we have “noine” instead of “nine” etc.
His behaviour is starting to stand out – both the good bits and the “bad” (ie socially unacceptable) behaviour.
Fortunately for WD, we now have this perspective of greater understanding – poor SJ was probably treated appallingly as we too tried to get him to “behave” and not be “naughty”.
Its a few simple mind-shifts: accepting that he is totally ego-centric and, once you put his behaviour into that (for him) natural frame work, its not naughtiness anymore.
At the other end of the scale, SJ is slowly coming to an age where he can begin to see his behaviour in the bigger picture, and start to see WHY it is socially unacceptable to be ego-centric! Interestingly too, he has commented on WD’s flapping, repetative movements, speech patterns, and appalling short term memory. We have been able to point out to him that these are all things he has.
For the first time, he is able to see himself how others outside see him, and place his behaviour patterns in that external context. I’m pleased that, so far, this hasn’t distressed him but you can see that it is registering and he is thinking about it.
That’s another thing; thinking. I think it was someone on the HE-SP list that talked about their child who thought their internal thoughts were “voices” in his head. WD has ALWAYS talked constantly, out loud, and we’ve always said its as if he can’t think inside his head. Now we know why.
So, this is making HE even more of a juggling act now! With three very different lads to cater for, amidst caring for a four month old baby, I must admit at times its, er, “challenging” ;o)
But home education gives me the freedom to at least TRY to rise to the challenge; school couldn’t.
Take today for example. A lady in our home ed group is an ex-art teacher. New to home ed, bless her, she’s taken on running art class for the kids that are interested.
She’s come to see, I think, over the past first few “lessons”, that whilst she can plan a topic for the session, the kids will take and run with that idea, using it as a starting point, but meaning that the outcome at the end of the 2 hours is that every individual has an individual outcome that is meaniingful to them.
Amazing!
Today they were doing “eyes”. The lady provided example sketches, in charcoal, and gave them tips on how to draw eyes. Each of my three boys have produced very different sketches. JJ, with his dysgraphia, has drawn small eyes, obviously wary of “spoiling” the paper, and having to put lots of effort into concentrating on the control of getting any sort of mark on the paper. SJ has produced some amazing drawings, definately not shy of using all the paper, and I think they show that he has a natural talent. Ironic, for an aspie, when they say that they can’t “read expressions” – he’s produced some very life like eyes! WD on the other hand, drew a very good eye (especially for a 5 year old) but then said it didn’t look right.
Why? Well, it was only one eye! So he drew another one!
But that wasn’t right either. So he added a nose. Then a mouth. THEN it looked like an eye! For him, as his literal way of viewing it, it wasn’t an eye if it wasn’t in a face. Fair enough!
Then they were meant to produce a modelled eye, using salt dough. This is where it became “personalised” ;0)
JJ produced a cup. SJ made tortilla wraps (well, he does want to be a chef, after all, lol) and WD made a pizza, a cannon ball, and a meteorite. Well, they are all the right sort of shape…
I am so grateful, on a daily basis, for the opportunity that home ed provides for my individuals, to be individuals, and to become their own people.
The Brick in the Wall Song · Thursday October 4, 2007 by Lily
There was an interesting programme about the making of the song on Tuesday. It focused on several of the children and how their lives had been affected by their music teacher. I hope Home Education for 7 years has proved as inspirational for our son. Time will tell. It’s certainly been wonderful for me! It’s given me lots of ideas for the retirement years…..I’ll be 60 next April.
Rupert’s English department had Kevin Crossley-Holland in to speak to the GCSE students today. Tomorrow they are going to see Lilly Thal speak. We’ve also been asked whether they can go to a play and to a GCSE English workshop.
I’m very pleased with the college. The courses are well presented and taught in a relatively informal and adult environment. If we had a money tree it would be ideal for R to go into their 6th form. As it is I’m researching state 6th forms….the local school, and a college a bus ride away. The college is huge and unfortunately will be in the process of a multi-million pound rebuild. It will be lovely when it’s finished but dreadful, I imagine, whilst the work is being done. The school is the one our older children studied at.
R has no idea what he’d like to do for a career. He’s mentioned taking a year off next year; I mentioned buying a caravan or camper van and travelling. Wouldn’t that be fun.
It’s been an atypical month. I’m about 10 days post-op so am only pottering. R is settling into college. He’s made one or two friends but there’s no-one he really identifies with, though that isn’t bothering him as he has friends at home he meets up with and Explorer Scouts. Soon he’ll audition for the Gang Show and if he gets in he’ll very, very busy with that until April/May. There will be very few of his age-group in it as they are all so busy with their 9-12 GCSEs.
I’m trying to strike a balance between stepping back and leaving him to organise himself and his studies and being available to help when necessary whilst putting the onus on Rupert. I’m not sure whether we’ve achieved the right balance.
I’m also trying very hard to pass on my hopes and expectations in a postive way, whilst the gentle and subtle (and at times not so subtle, like stop texting/talking on MSN/doing bus spreadsheets and start working) encouragement is in progress. This is what I’m finding most difficult. I have an olderish teen who has been used to some independance and at the same time quite a great deal of academic dependancy who is out in the wider world now. I must leave him to cope and must help him to cope.
I’m signing off for now but may be able to update at some time in the future.
A new day · Tuesday October 2, 2007 by Lily
English seems to be quite pacey with a new book being introduced almost every week. “An Inspector Calls” is to be added tomorrow. I wish I could beg or borrow a copy of the film as they are silly prices on Amazon.
Geography, well all subjects, are subjected to continuous testing so we’ve to devise a way of learning that suits his learning style. I think they are going to have some tutorials on learning styles. I suggested using “Inspiration” a computer programme he has but he seems to be coming down on the side of revision cards (index card size.)
I can’t sit for long and feel frustratingly unable to help much, but last time I had a big op I didn’t recouperate enough and it all went very wrong ending up in a stroke.
Rupert is also getting into a funny phase, as he does, of being either incredibly fast or incredibly slow in what he does. It’s mostly fast now and he sweeps through the house like a whirlwind. Having one child now grown up who paces herself so well, I’m finding this very hard and unnecessary. I think we need to sit down and discuss time management but then he’d see it as a waste of time!
We should be getting a report at half term and maybe a parents evening, but I don’t think I’ll be able to go as yet.
R seems to be enjoying French most of all. I’m thinking of buying
Star French It’s similar to StarSpell that we used in the early days of HE. I’d probably use it myself. French spellings seem to be the one thing that will hold him back from achieving a high grade in GCSE French.
Tonight was a fairly late night although R doesn’t seem as tired as he used to be when he was home ed.
Worry worry..... · Monday October 1, 2007 by Lily
For the first time, R’s train was cancelled but it is to be anticipated from time to time as some of them come as 1 or 2 units from Cardiff. Fortunately it wasn’t cancelled until he arrived at Crewe so he was able to jump on the next one, a slow, all stations train.
His piano teacher is back from her holiday and she can fortunately fit him in on his one morning off, a Wednesday. He’s been having lessons for so many years and progress is slow but he enjoys them and has never wanted to stop. Somehow we get into these accepted routines with R that we didn’t really with our other none SEN children, and he doesn’t question them.
A routine he is getting into and is worrying us is coming home and spending most of the evening alternately talking on MSN and doing bus spreadsheets, flipping over from one to the other, and watching specific TV programmes that he records on the Sky + Box….a wonderful thing that was offered free to us.
Now, he is only doing a limited timetable of 4/5 subjects and he is working quite hard and doing a lot of his homework in free study periods, but is he making the best use of his time? We know with R he has to see his time laid out and organised before him and this is the pattern that is evolving and there isn’t much flexibility built in, as ever. If we try to come down hard on asking him to work more in the evening we risk upsetting the apple-cart. At the moment we are trying to plant the seeds of suggestion. He does need this built in MSN time, but I wonder whether we could limit it.
Music practice was suggested and taken up. When he starts back at piano lessons next week there will be an acceleration, I hope. Violin he finds easier anyway.
The weekend after next is going to be a headache. On the Saturday he is going to the NEC to rehearse for the Live 07 Scout performance at the O2 Dome and on the Sunday he’s playing in a Chamber Music Day. He’s never done the latter before as it’s for adults over 16. It’s for all levels beginner to advanced and his teacher will be there as well as the professional tutors. It only happens once or twice a year and is really very good but I know he’s not going to be very happy with all adults, but it is good experience. If I’d had opportunity to practice my cello and if I was well, I’d go but I can’t.
Time management is always a delicate balancing act. R works through what he must do and the leisure activities that he also “must” do in his own head and won’t deviate from his inner plan without huge disagreements and upset. If he hasn’t heard about something or conciously taken it on board there can be huge problems getting it shunted into his inner plan that at times seems to be set in stone.
Rightly or wrongly, we’ve invested a lot financially in this year and it would be good to see it flower as he has a good brain and for it not to succeed would be selling himself short.
Food Festival and socialising · Sunday September 30, 2007 by Lily
It’s the annual Food and Drink festival in town this weekend. Rupert and I have always gone on Friday, before the weekend crowds and when it’s cheaper and have had loads of fun tasting samples and chatting to the stall holders. I can’t go out for many weeks so he went with his girl friend on Saturday and they had a lovely time. He has converted her to being a vegetarian, she didn’t need much prompting after almost passing out in a Biology lesson last year! They tasted and chose some cheeses for me and brought me some fudge.
On Sunday, R was up and about at 8.15am. He seldom gets up late; it only happens if he is really tired and sleeps late. He was working by 8.30am (homework) unheard of in the past, but he wanted to get everything done so he could go out about lunch-time with some mates. Dh helped a little with Physics and I helped a little with Geography. I didn’t study either Geography or History at school as I was “put” into the Science class, so I’m finding it interesting.
I think R is enjoying all his courses so we chose them well.
I made the suggestion that he did some music practice, so he did that, but now we’ve got to weave it into everyday life again, so I don’t have to keep asking. Violin is coming on nicely with lots of vibrato and trills.
R managed to fit in some sweeping up of leaves. We have a large garden and he often passes the time keeping the paths tidy around the house. The squirrels are working overtime burying conkers. It feels really Autumny. It’s funny when you miss a week at this time of year (going into hospital) and the season has changed.
English · Saturday September 29, 2007 by Lily
I finally plucked up the courage to look at R’s timed English coursework.
I cried. Yes, I know I’m feeling emotional post-op, we’ve turned some corners this month.
It is the first time in almost 34 years that I haven’t had a child under 16 to care for, and I’ve regained my life with this op. I hadn’t realised just how much my quality of life had deteriorated with this health problem.
I’ve done quite a lot of English with R one way and another but little of it has been the sort of English studied in school. We started HE with “Toe by Toe,” we have done handwriting, grammar, an on-line spelling programme, punctuation and various ways to make writing interesting to put it simply, also lately we started an IGCSE English course with Little Arthur School, but what we’ve never done is written an essay. We’ve written, many times, LOL, to the local borough council to complain about roads, paths etc, we’ve written short articles for Scout newsletters, we did some early primary literary critisism (not much) we’ve watched lots of outstanding hard to find films with Film Education. He has read bus and train magazines and newspapers but almost no books.
His writing was fresh, original, extremely sensitive and perceptive and well structured.
Not pushing him to write essays or stories hasn’t crushed his natural ability. To say I’m amazed at what he wrote is an understatement.
Our Dd came today with her little family. She’s a language graduate who is a talented writer and she was most impressed.
We’re very fortunate indeed to have found a sympathetic college with a nurturing approach that gives the follow-on R needs to HE.
End of third week at college · Friday September 28, 2007 by Lily
Rupert went off early again to college, 7.05am and was home early, about 4.45pm as he has tutorials and optional sports, which he misses in order to be back to do his strings group.
Music practice is thin on the ground at the moment, I’ll have to tackle that one soon. He is managing to do his theory by taking it into college to do in a free period.
Thursday · Thursday September 27, 2007 by Lily
I was able to come home today or stay in hospital until Fri or Sat. I decided to come home.
I arrived home about 3pm. Rupert had a full day today, with his English timed coursework done in class.
He came home in the evening and said it hadn’t gone very well, he’d sat and looked at his laptop for the first 15 minutes….(see more on this on Sat.)
He had a very quick turn around for Explorer Scouts tonight, getting home at 6.45pm having a quick tea and being off again at 7.05pm dressed in his uniform.
When he arrived home he was feeling really sad. His best friend is leaving Explorers owing to the pressure of schoolwork, WHY oh WHY do they push so many GCSEs especially the heavy on coursework (easier !) options on these children in school? Another friend isn’t able to audition for the Gang Show because he’s in year 10. We were fortunate to be able to encourage R to take only the subjects he needs/is best at/finds interesting so he doesn’t miss out on…..social life!?
I’m speechless when it comes to defending Home Ed with people who rabbbit on about the social aspect. Well….praps not speechless; head and brick wall spring to mind.
Wednesday · Wednesday September 26, 2007 by Lily
Op went really well. Having been given a bleak and worrying prognosis we’d changed to a different surgeon and a private hospital last week.
On Wednesday, I was trying very hard to write some notes to help R in his coming English timed essay, through the after effects of the anaesthetic. Dh came to visit during the morning, then phoned to say he was bringing Ds in again in the evening as he needed help with his English. He arrived and announced he was writing about a completely different topic, so I pulled together what remaining shreds there were of my brain and we briefly discussed it.
It’s now all in the lap of the gods.
I know I shall worry.
On an interesting and very positive note, there was a language quiz held in college today at lunch time and my quiet son joined 2 other GCSE students to make up the only GCSE team along with 10 or so A Level and teacher teams. They came third!
Oh dear oh dear! · Monday September 24, 2007 by Lily
R was really well organised last night and this morning sorting out his train times, books and so on and getting himself to the station. Monday is a busy day at college with all his subjects except Physics.
He came home at 6.30 as usual but with lots of homework. French I was able to help with, Geography he will have to manage with and English, well, I wish I was going to be here to offer support and be a sounding board but I had my pre-op assessment today and I’m going into hospital at 11.30 for up to 5 days with a long recovery period. Drips, morphine and other such relative unknowns featured prominently.
Oh dear oh dear, I don’t like to be doing this.
On a positive note, ds is getting work back with good marks; tests are an on-going part of the courses and he’s scoring highly.
I’m really proud of the way Rupert is applying himself, trying hard and taking the whole college experience seriously and with interest and dedication.
Socially he appears to be coping too.
I hope to update in a few days. Bye for now.
